If you’re looking to start dating but you aren’t ready for a serious relationship, casual dating may be the way to go. However, it can be a tricky thing to navigate without getting hurt.
To help you get started, Elite Daily asked some relationship experts to offer their tips for navigating casual dating. These tips can help you avoid the common pitfalls of casual relationships and make sure that your casual boo(s) are on your side from the get-go.
1. Don’t Overthink It
If you’re in a casual relationship and are feeling anxious or stressed, it may be time to consider stepping away. Doing so will help you avoid overthinking and allow you to truly enjoy your time together, according to Sandra Henderson, a love and dating coach.
“Overthinking can be a very dangerous habit, especially for those who have been hurt in the past,” says psychologist Sara Osborn. It can also be a sign of a mental health issue, so it’s important to seek professional assistance if you’re constantly worrying about the future or what he’s doing, she tells Bustle.
The key to not overthinking it when you’re in a casual relationship is being honest about your needs and expectations. Make sure to be clear on how much you’re willing to commit, and whether or not you’re free to date other people as well, Osborn suggests.
Similarly, be open and honest about how you feel when you’re having sex with your partner. Ask them if they have other partners and be upfront about your own boundaries when it comes to sexual intimacy, she advises.
As long as you’re honest about your expectations and the reasons why you want to keep things casual, you’ll be able to stay focused on having fun and enjoying the experience, Osborn recommends. You’ll also be more likely to remain happy in your relationship, since you won’t be tempted by anything that might threaten the happiness you’ve built up.
Another reason it’s important not to overthink your situation is that you could end up putting too much pressure on yourself or your casual partner, Osborn tells Bustle. This can happen when you show up with them to work events, weddings, or family get togethers, which can lead to a lot of stress, she adds.
In addition, overthinking can be a distraction from your relationship and can leave you feeling lonely and disconnected. It’s best to find ways to distract yourself, and you can do so by taking a walk or calling a friend, Smerling tells Bustle.
While it’s tempting to obsess over everything, the truth is that you and your partner will know in due time whether or not you are truly compatible. This will take time, but it’s worth it in the end.
2. Don’t Be Afraid to Leave Labels
If you and your casual dating partner are in a healthy, respectful relationship, there’s no need to be afraid of leaving labels when you’re together. This can make navigating casual relationships even easier, as you know exactly what you’re dealing with, and you’re less likely to get attached to someone who might have a more serious outlook.
But if you are in a casual relationship, there are also some things you need to keep in mind when it comes to how you communicate with your partner and what kind of boundaries you have with them. You can’t have a successful casual dating experience if you don’t set and stick to your own rules, so be sure to have a good dialogue about the types of things you’re comfortable with or not.
For instance, if you are comfortable with sex, it’s important to have conversations about whether or not you would be willing to have multiple sexual relationships at the same time. This is a great way to reduce your risk of developing sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and to make sure you are safe when having fun with your partner.
Another thing to consider is how you communicate about your sexuality with your casual dating partner. While it might be tempting to put the kibosh on sex talk early in your relationship, this can have a negative impact on your overall connection and can lead to awkward conversations later on.
Finally, if you’re in a casual relationship with multiple people, it’s important to keep your social media presence on the down low. This will help avoid confusing your friends or giving others the wrong idea about you and your current relationship.
It can be hard to control feelings of jealousy when you are in a casual relationship, but it’s a normal part of the process. It’s a good idea to talk about these feelings with a therapist or other qualified mental health professional to help reframe your mindset on how you approach casual dating and to learn better coping skills for managing your emotions.
3. Don’t Overcommit
One of the most important things to do when dating a casual partner is to not overcommit. While you might be tempted to pencil them into your life, this can lead to serious problems down the line.
For example, if you’re constantly planning to go out on a date with someone you’ve been seeing for months or years, you risk making your casual relationship too serious. This can lead to a whole host of issues, including miscommunication and power imbalances.
The best way to avoid this is by staying open-minded and flexible with your casual relationship. If you find that you’re not feeling the same connection with your casual date, it’s OK to stop going out as much or to limit your dates to only weekends.
It’s also a good idea to be honest with your casual dating partner about what you want and don’t want out of the relationship. This can be a hard thing to do, but it’s crucial for your mental health and well-being, says Yana Tallon-Hicks, couples and relationships therapist.
Having this conversation early on can help ensure that you and your casual date are both on the same page and happy with how things are going. It can also help prevent future rifts, which can lead to serious issues down the line, according to Tallon-Hicks.
If you’re having a really great time with your casual dating partner, it’s easy to take them for granted and start thinking about how cool it would be to have a full-fledged relationship with them. This is a big mistake, and it can lead to feelings of disappointment and anger, which can impact your mood and mental health.
This also leads to problems in your personal life, like not being able to focus on work or school. Keeping your commitments to yourself and others is vital when you’re in a casual relationship, so be sure to make your partner a priority if you want them to continue seeing you.
If you’re worried that your casual relationship is becoming too serious, talk to a mental health professional about the issue. They can provide guidance and help you overcome limiting beliefs that are holding you back from dating the person you want to be with.
4. Don’t Get Attached
If you are going into a casual relationship with high expectations, you are likely to get hurt. Expectations are what often land people in emotional turmoil and heartbreak.
The first thing to do when you are dating a casual partner is to make sure that you know your boundaries. This will help you establish a healthy and respectful relationship with them, says Yana Tallon-Hicks, couples and relationships therapist.
Your casual partner will also need to understand what you can and cannot handle in this type of relationship, she adds. This can be difficult for some people, but it is crucial to ensure you don’t get attached in a way that will hurt you later on down the road.
Finally, if you are not emotionally capable of dealing with casual dating, don’t give it a try. The last thing you want is to end up hurt and ruined by something that you did not even enjoy!
This is especially true if you have no trust in men. If you find that your casual partner is seeing other people, this could be a sign that they are not interested in a relationship with you.
Additionally, if you are getting attached too quickly, don’t be afraid to say that outright. This will prevent you from becoming hurt or disappointed in your casual relationship, says Tallon-Hicks.
Another sign that you are not ready to date a casual partner is that your feelings have changed. You may have started noticing changes in their body language or their behavior, or you might be feeling like they aren’t as available as they once were.
These changes in your feelings could be a sign that you are no longer compatible with this person and that it is time to take things more seriously, suggests Tallon-Hicks. However, if you do not address this change, it will likely leak into the relationship and cause all kinds of problems for your casual partner, she says.
A casual relationship is not for everyone, but if you do it well, it can be a great way to get to know someone without feeling like you are in a committed relationship. It can also be a way to meet new people and experience new adventures before you decide whether or not to move forward in a more serious relationship.
